Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize