She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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