This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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