so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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