Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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