i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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