Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Me. At least after what I've been through.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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