he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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