Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize