just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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