I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize