Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am available for nakedness
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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