I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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