I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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