He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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