also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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