I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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