I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize