I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They took my balls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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