I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize