Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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