So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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