She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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