Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he thought i was a dude.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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