You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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