one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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