you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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