trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize