You smell like a Billy Joel song
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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