you guys were way drunker than both of me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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