just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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