Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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