i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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