my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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