dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize