bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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