3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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