My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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