the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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