this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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