I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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