Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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