Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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