Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i've created a new STD.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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