I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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