Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize