Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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