i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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