i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize