That reminds me...we need to get swords
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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